Christmas Present
by Glaivester
Summary: Johnny finds that a gift he gave last Christmas has consequences coming back to him. References Double Vision and A Very Dead Zone Christmas.
1. Surprises

The Christmas Present

Disclaimer: Not mine. Written for fun.

September 30, 2006.

Greg Stillson was not a happy man. He was increasingly troubled by worries that he was falling into a hole that he could not get out of. He had taken to watching _Babylon 5_ in his free time, and poring over every episode featuring Londo Mollari.

God, he felt like Londo sometimes. Destined for the Empire, destined to be Emperor, but with all power and no freedom.

And yet, he loved power too much to let go, or to abandon his new friends, as scary as they and their vision for the future of America was.

Lord Refa - excuse me, Malcolm Janus scared the Hell out of Stillson. And yet, he was Stillson's meal ticket. And he knew way, way too much about Stillson for Stillson to ever dare cross him.

And here he was, at his first political event since being shot, shaking hands with all of the people around him, when suddenly he saw something that absolutely creeped him out.

There was a lovely young blonde woman in front of him, obviously pregnant and probably due any moment. Normally this would be something any politician could welcome; a chance for a photo op with a bright young mother-to-be, promising a wonderful future if only he kept getting elected. And she was pretty, too, in a very cute and non-threatening way.

But there was something odd about her. She kept looking just to his right, as if she saw an invisible man coming up to his side. He kept glancing over his shoulder, but he saw nothing.

Finally, he got to her. She put out her hand uncertainly, and, deciding to just jump in, Greg clasped hers firmly in his and shook vigorously.

She just stared, her pupils suddenly growing small. Then she let out a shriek and collapsed on the ground, convulsing.

"What was that?" she cried. "What the Hell did I..." and then - Oh, no! The baby's coming! The baby's coming!"

Greg Stillson couldn't shake the idea out of his head that the baby coming was not what she had initially screamed about.

Johnny sighed to himself. It was a relief, really it was. Sarah having Walt's baby would cement their relationship and reduce the tension he always felt when near Sarah, and when around Walt and JJ. Walt, Johnny had recently realized, had always felt a little like an outsider in his family, and was terrified that at any moment, Sarah and JJ would leave him in order to be with Sarah's "one true love" and JJ's biological father.

Having a child of their own together would form a biological connection, he felt, that would make the marriage stronger and would finally let him see himself as something other than a third wheel who was always threatening to get in the way. Although sometimes he wondered if Sarah hadn't briefly considered polyandry, particularly after that one time they had -

Best not to remember that. It was years ago, and had been a mistake that had now been rectified. All in the past, he told himself. All in the past.

All the same, this reinforced John's feelings of loneliness and isolation. It was as if every potential mate were somehow fated to end up - he fought for a word and decided to use _not with_ - not with him. Sarah, of course, he lost to The Coma. Dana was an early rebound relationship, and she decided that nothing could come of it. Rebecca had gone away after almost killing Greg Stillson for something that his father had done, realizing that she needed time to sort out what had happened to her life.

Everyone, he sighed. All of these fishes, but none for him.

He was jolted out of his reverie by the phone ringing.

He picked it up. "Hello, Walt."

"Lucky you, saving money on caller ID by having it in your head," said Walt. "Johnny, I think you need to come to the hospital. Now."

"Why, what's wrong?" asked Johnny.

Walt paused, and then continued carefully. "I think you need to see this in person, Johnny. Don't worry. It has nothing to do with Sarah or JJ. It's not someone dying or anything like that."

Johnny rushed to the hospital as fast as he could. On the way in, he saw Sarah and Walt and JJ sanding there, looking concerned.

"Why didn't you tell us, Johnny?" asked Walt.

"About what?" Johnny was obviously confused.

"Maybe he didn't know," suggested Sarah. "She didn't say that he knew."

Walt smiled for a second. "You know, maybe he does know. Maybe he had a vision of you ahead of time" - he looked at Sarah's midsection - "and wanted to beat us to the punch."

"What the Hell are we talking about?" asked Johnny angrily, suddenly noticing that he had been moving all of this time, and was being pushed along towards the maternity ward.

Suddenly they came to room, and into it. Johnny stared with disbelief at the sight before his eyes.

"Sorry I didn't tell you about it, but your Christmas present to me has finally arrived," said Alex Sinclair, lying in the bed, looking at the little bundle in her arms. "John, meet your daughter Noelle."


	2. Fatherhood

Chapter 2

Johnny sat in the waiting room, head between his knees, adjusting to shock of it all.

"So you didn't know?" asked Walt.

The last time Johnny had seen Alex was at Christmas. She had popped in unexpectedly and had had a hand in some rather interesting events that day. He had been so busy that it had seemed that he had almost forgotten to get a last minute Christmas present for her, until he presented her with a watch.

"Yeah, I remember that," said Walt, after Johnny had related this to him. Walt and Sarah had been there for dinner. It was a wonderful time, when so many of Johnny's nearest friends and acquaintances had come together without the any animosity and distrust - actually, that part had only applied to Reverend Purdy, but still, everyone had been relaxed they had not been before or since.

"Well, Bruce was passed out on the couch from a turducken overdose, you and Sarah and Purdy had left, and so she suggested that we go up to my room, where she thought we could 'exchange more presents.' I was sort of not thinking too much at the time, and so I wondered what she wanted that I kept in my bedroom. Turned out she wanted to unwrap me."

"I think that's a very popular gift around the holidays," joked Walt.

"Well, after that, I barely heard from her until today. When I did talk to her, she kept putting off coming around and getting together. I didn't realize why." John's brow furrowed. "I still don't know why she didn't tell me until right now."

Walt shrugged. "Well, she asked that you be notified. Perhaps she realized that you had a right to know."

Johnny looked over at Walt. "So what happened?"

"You mean, how did she get here? Apparently she was at some sort of event. Someone from the event drove her to the hospital in a private ambulance. That's all I know. She wouldn't talk about it any more than that."

"Hmmm..." something disturbed Johnny, although he didn't know just what. He didn't think he'd know any answers until he got a chance to talk to Alex - or at least to touch her or some of her belongings. But there were bigger things to consider.

"Oh, no. I don't know what's going to happen. I just realized that."

"What do you mean, John?"

"I don't know what I am supposed to do here. Suddenly I'm a father and I have no idea whether I'll be in my daughter's life or not, or what Alex wants to do, or anything." He thought a moment - "or what I want to do, for that matter."

"Well, from what Sarah told me of your courtship, I always thought that you very badly wanted to settle down and start a family. Maybe Alex is your second chance."

"But I didn't just want to settle down _per se_. It wasn't that I felt the urge and Sarah happened to be there at the time. I wanted to settle down because I had fallen in love. I mean, sure I'd like to have a family, and I might fall in love with Alex. Who knows? But I'm not ready to do either of these things yet, and I really would have liked to have gotten to know Alex better first."

Johnny looked ahead. "Plus, to be honest, I'm not certain that this is a good time to have kids - for anyone."

Walt looked at Johnny. "What the Hell is up with Stillson and company, anyway? That's what you are talking about, isn't it? What have you seen?"

John looked at Walt. "Nothing that I cannot stop. I just - need to find out how."

Walt did not look convinced, but he kept quiet. "So, what do you plan to do over the next few days? You can't plan your life at the drop of a hat, but you can take things a day at a time - or a week."

"I suppose I need to talk to her," said John softly. "I don't know what to say."

"Tell her that Noelle is beautiful, and that you want to hold her - Noelle, I mean. Then ask her why she didn't tell you about her."

Johnny sighed. He walked to the door and into the room.

Alex was cradling Noelle in her arms and cooing at her. "Hi, John," she said as John walked in.

"Sarah," John acknowledged the mother of his other child, and Walt's wife, who was at the side of Alex's bed. "JJ." He motioned toward the door.

"Sure, Johnny," smiled Sarah. "We'll leave you two - you three alone."

JJ nodded. "Nice baby," he said approvingly.

Johnny watched them leave and then turned to Alex. "Why?" he asked.

Alex looked around nervously. "Johnny. I'd rather not - talk about it here." She motioned him to come in closer.

"I had a fright shortly after discovering that I was pregnant. I had another fright today - that actually put me into labor. I - I-"

"What is it?"

"I had a terrifying vision. Actually a few... And they are all connected to one man. You're going to think I'm crazy." John put his ear right next to her mouth.

Barely audible she whispered: "I am worried that one of the members of Congress is going to destroy the world."

Johnny started. "Who?" he asked.

"Greg Stillson."


	3. Talking

Chapter 3

"We'll talk." Johnny looked at Alex. "No, you're not crazy. But you obviously are not keeping up with national news or you'd know that I am also very interested in... you-know-who."

"So," asked Alex, "what do you want to do?"

"Where do you live?" asked Johnny.

"Not around here. Not anywhere, recently. I've been moving around the country, mostly New England recently. I was thinking of a hotel..."

"You're welcome to stay with me," said Johnny, sighing slightly. "I have a spare bedroom or two."

Alex smiled. "Listen, as soon as I get out of here, I'll tell you what's been going on. They won't keep me more than another day, I'm sure."

"Was the birth difficult?"

"Not too bad, I suppose. It's the only time I've given birth, so I don't know how else it might have felt." She looked thoughtful. "Less painful then getting stung over most of my body was."

Johnny nodded. "So, Alex. You decided to come back around these parts. Were you planning on meeting me or did it just happen?"

"A little of both."

"I guess what I am asking is, what are your plans? Do you intend to take Noelle with you, leave her here, or both of you stay?" Johnny looked over at the little newborn. "More to the point, where the Hell do I stand?" He tried to sound joking, but anger was evident in his voice. "Am I just your stud or do you want me in your life?"

Alex started back. "I want you in Noelle's life. As for my life - yes, I'd like to stay friends. I would not be opposed to finding out if there is more..."

"I thought you wanted to 'find yourself' or something. Now that your vision of your death has been indefinitely postponed you wanted -" John waved his hand in the air, "-to explore the world or something."

"I think settling down doesn't sound so bad now," Alex admitted. "And remember as well that I was worried that two clairvoyants wouldn't have any surprises in their relationship. I think that little Noelle her dispels that fear."

"So now you have a baby, you're ready? What about me? What if I'm not ready?"

"What do you want, John? Do you want me to propose? Do you want me to leave? Do you want me to see if Noelle can go back into my womb until you're ready? You know, you weren't exactly an innocent bystander in all of this. It's not like you said 'wait a second, we need to use protection. Maybe you assumed that I would take care of everything, after all, I am the woman."

Johnny looked at her. "What I want," he said, "is to be able to process everything. There are a hundred different strands in my head, and I am trying to tie them together one at a time. I don't know where to start. I always wanted to pursue something with you, but now that the stakes are so high I am terrified that it won't work out. And I am really, really scared that our visions of the future will come true and none of it will matter because we will all soon be dead - or worse."

Alex stared at Johnny. "_Our_ visions? Oh, God, no." She gasped a little. "No, no, no, no... It can't be true. Please tell me, tell me you didn't see it too."

"If it's what I think it is, yes. Yes, I did."

Alex broke down into sobs.

Walt stuck his head in. "Is everything okay?"

Johnny looked at him. "I don't think anything's going to be okay for anyone. Remember the political discussion we were having earlier? About what I want to do? About my _vision_ for the future?"

Walt picked up on what Johnny was talking about. "I don't think this is a good time to bother Alex with politics."

"No, except to say that she may very well have the same _vision_ for the future that I do."

"Oh, God," said Walt. There was nothing else to say. He still didn't know what Johnny had seen. But he knew it was bad.

Malcolm Janus looked over at the information he had found. So this woman had psychic powers, did she? It's strange that she wasn't on his radar. But he had friends who might be able to dig up some more dirt on her. Friends who were more subtle and more thorough than Stillson's thugs, whom he had been forced to endure as part of putting Stillson into position. Slowly, though, Stillson's thugs had been convinced to leave for greener pastures, and Janus's own associates had replaced most of them.

At present, he knew only two things:

(1) Alex Sinclair had begun to receive psychic visions after, as a young girl, being stung over most of her body by bees.

(2) Alex Sinclair had slept with John Smith around Christmas this last year, and she had just had his baby as a result.


	4. Questions

Chapter 4

Sarah was in Alex's room, talking to her. Hr emotions were a bit mixed; with a bit of concern for Johnny on the one hand, and on the other, a sort of giddy glee at engaging in girl talk about a cute boy.

"So," asked Sarah, "how did this happen?"

"Well," Alex smiled, in spite of a lot of worry on her part as to how Johnny would take this new development, and about the future in general, "if you don't know how babies are made, then there is something seriously wrong, seeing as you have a kid yourself - and another on the way."

Sarah punched Alex lightly in the arm. "No, I mean, how did it come about that you two- er- got _together_?"

Alex looked at Sarah. She was unsure whether this would cause more trouble to explain than not, and deciding that either way, she had to know how Sarah would react to the information, decided to explain the situation.

"Well, after everyone had left, John looked so sad. I asked if I could spend the night, and he told me he would set up one of the guest bedrooms. He apologized for only having time to get me one gift. Then he just looked - so lonely."

Sarah's face turned down a little at that.

"I think he was looking at all of these families and realizing that he didn't have a family himself - well, not one that he was fully part of." his wasn't going well, she thought, as Sarah began a full-fledged frown. "He seemed so sad, so lonely. And I knew how he felt. I really have no family to speak of, and have spent more than one Christmas alone."

"That's too bad."

"Well, he was sad, and a little bit vulnerable, and suddenly I felt the loneliness flooding back as well. I haven't had the best of luck with boyfriends. I sort of creep most of them out."

Sarah looked at Alex and nodded. "The psychic thing, right?"

"Most of my visions are not literal, like John's. Although occasionally I get flashes like he does. But usually, I see symbolic images. Often in the form of ghosts - not real ghosts, I don't think. Just - symbols. Recently I saw - some disturbing symbols. But in any case, this power usually makes boys - " she fumbled for a word "-not want to be around." She hung her head a little shamefully. "On occasion I have - gone a lot further than I wanted to just so someone would stay with me for a few more hours."

Sarah looked at Alex with a growing level of pity, which Alex decided was worse than the guilt or regret or whatever she might have been experiencing hearing about John's loneliness.

"Well, to make a long story short, I suggested that we give each other - other gifts. He didn't get what I meant at first, until I started to unbutton his shirt and pull his arm to go upstairs."

Sarah asked without thinking: "and what next."

"A lady doesn't tell," Alex said, with a little bit of a fake English accent. "But Noelle is here, nine months later, so I think you can do the math."

"Oh, right. I'm sorry. How thoughtless."

"It's okay."

"So, what now?"

"That depends on a lot of things. But if he will allow it, I'd like to be near John for at least the next several weeks."

"Oh. You don't want - longer than that?" Part of Sarah had hoped that if Johnny found someone it would put the guilt she felt out of her head. The feeling that she had betrayed Johnny by not waiting. The feeling that he was alone, that he should be hers and she his, and that her marriage to Walt was slowly killing him. She no longer felt that there was any chance of them getting back together. She didn't really want it, anyway. Nor did she feel that there would any more dalliances, like that time shortly after his coma had abated. Nevertheless, she could not help but feel that Johnny was empty because of it, and that being around her and Walt was going to put him into an early grave. She felt a sense of doom around Johnny, a feeling that he had some sort of fatalistic curse over him. Sometimes she wondered if his attempts to use his powers to catch criminals and the like was driven by a death wish, and that his obsession with a politician was not ultimately about putting himself into a situation where he would get killed. He seemed so - hopeless a times. Somehow Sarah felt that he could be set right, and everything smoothed over, if he just was able to find someone else.

"I don't know. I don't know what John wants, either." She looked out. "But it might not be so bad, you know. To give up my freedom and nomadic lifestyle for something that is... not so..." she fumbled for the right word "solitary. And now I don't have just myself to think about, either." She looked at Sarah. "I don't know. Maybe that's why I wasn't more... cautious. Maybe I wanted to get pregnant. To have a baby and have a reason to settle down."

Sarah thought back to when J.J. was conceived. She suddenly remembered that Johnny had been very, very careful about making certain that he used contraception - except that night, when he and she had practically set out to make a baby. She wondered - had he been uncautious? Was it possible that he, like Alex, might have secretly harbored a desire to be - _trapped_ was the word she hit upon.

Meanwhile, Walt was wondering much the same thing. He had asked Sarah a few times about her previous relationship with Johnny, before Johnny had come out of the coma, and had understood pretty clearly that J.J. was not "an accident;" although he wasn't absolutely certain that Sarah had intended to become pregnant that night, it was fairly clear that neither party cared to prevent it.

He had also found out that Johnny had usually been the one to remind Sarah about contraception rather than vice versa. This had happened in a usual roundabout way, when he had reminded Sarah himself and she casually mentioned that he was being a lot like Johnny. This back when Johnny had been practically a corpse; no threat to the relationship and so such statements had not bothered him too much. Such revelations had faded rapidly into non-existence after Johnny's recovery, and in particular after Walt and Sarah's reconciliation.

Of course, Walt sensed that Johnny was a different man since the coma and the subsequent powers and burden it had brought him. But nevertheless, he couldn't bring himself entirely to believe that Johnny had been so careless as to forget something as important as birth control. Which left two options: either Alex was lying, to Johnny about being protected or about the baby's paternity, or else Johnny had subconsciously wanted not to be careful. He leaned toward the latter explanation.

The question that remained, he realized with some concern, was whether Johnny actually cared for Alex _per se_, or whether she had just happened to be there when Johnny needed to make a connection to someone, anyone.

More importantly, though, the thought occurred to him - _why hadn't Johnny seen this coming?_


	5. Answers

Chapter 5

Two days after giving birth, Alex Sinclair was driving home with Johnny, having taken him up on his offer to house her for at least the next few weeks. The baby was in back in a car seat.

"So," asked Johnny. "This was unexpected."

Alex nodded. "John, I'm scared. Really scared. I suppose I can tell you now."

John hadn't detected anything like a bug in his car, and he had gone over it fairly thoroughly. He was confident that he would have honed in on one, at least on a vision of it being implanted, had it been.

"Well, you know what happened at Christmas. I'm sorry. I wasn't ready for a relationship, so I left." She looked at Johnny. "About a month later it occurred to me that I hadn't had my period. About a month after that, I took a pregnancy test.

"I was going to call you when I saw something on television. It was an announcement about Greg Stillson's upcoming marriage. I watched the TV, and I saw - I saw skeletons. Everyone but Stillson on the TV was a skeleton. Then, everything was normal. I forgot about the phone call.

"The next day, I was reading the paper. I had taken another pregnancy test, looked at it, and dialed your number. When you picked up the phone - I - I saw you. In front of me. Older. Scarred. 'Not yet. Wait until she is born.' There is work to do."

"I remember that," said Johnny. "We talked less than a minute about nothing." Indeed, she had merely asked how he was, he how she was, and then she had claimed to have suddenly remembered an appointment and hung up.

"Every so often for the next few months, I would see some sort of sign of death anytime I saw Greg Stillson's picture. And then..."

-A Few Days Previously-

Alex looked out of the window of the motel. She hadn't had much in the way of work for the past few weeks, and her savings had almost given out. She had occasionally used her abilities to get a few bucks, but it was difficult to do so without skeptics trying to charge her with fraud.

She saw something suddenly. A woman. She knew who the woman was. Rachel Caldwell. A young woman involved with the Stillson campaign who had been murdered. The woman beckoned her to follow.

Alex did as she was asked. Rachel led Alex into Alex's car and pointed in the direction to which she wanted Alex to go.

Driving on, Alex became increasingly agitated. The baby was kicking, as if she sensed something was wrong (Alex had already found out what sex the baby was from having a sonogram).

Eventually, they came to a political rally. It was Greg Stillson's rally. Alex felt as if there were an energy in the air - it was something like nausea, or similar to birth pangs - it felt as if there was something just below the surface that was waiting to be revealed. Alex became more and more convinced that Stillson would be the catalyst. She would have to touch him, and then she would complete whatever was happening.

As she got out of the car, Rachel disappeared and then reappeared in front of her again. Then another dead woman, and another, and a dead... girl, really, not more than sixteen. All of them pointed in the same direction.

Looking over, she saw a figure on the podium who hadn't been there before. A man - she thought a few seconds and realized where she had seen the face before. It was Steve Stillson, Greg's father. He had mysteriously died more than a year ago. Then she looked at the women pointed at Stillson. They were mouthing the words "murderer."

She stared at them for a second, then at Steve Stillson. He nodded, and then pointed at Greg Stillson, who was walking down into the crowd. He held his neck, as though strangling himself. He pointed back at Greg, who was now approaching her. He began to float, just to the left of Greg (which from his perspective would be to his right). Greg was now looking at her, getting closer.

She felt as if the air was now about to burst. The expression that the air was pregnant with the anticipation of something or other had never made sense to her as a metaphor before, but it did now. Oh my, she thought. She felt the baby kicking harder.

She touched Greg Stillson's hand just then. He grabbed it and shook it vigorously. She stared at him, assuming that she would see something, that all of the omens she felt around her would come to sort of climax, but - nothing. It seemed like an hour had passed and he was still shaking her hand. In reality it had been three seconds. She became aware of the fact that the "ghosts" she had seen were gone. Nowhere to be found.

Then it happened. Suddenly she felt that Stillson's hand was no longer a hand. It was bone. She looked around. Actually, her head was still, but her eyes moved all around. Everyone around her was a corpse. Some were skeletons, others had charred flesh, but all were obviously dead. The walking dead. Then others appeared. People who were obviously from foreign countries. Africans, Indonesians, Chinese, people of all nationalities and races. All dead, charred, scarred, or skeletal.

All dead because of Stillson.

She felt a pain in her abdomen that she could only assume was a contraction.

She screamed.

She fainted.

-Back to the Present-

"You know," said Alex. "It's not true, what they show on television."

"What is that?"

"I always assumed that my water would break, and that that would start the labor. That i not how it works. It didn't break until long after I got to the hospital,"

"So, you touched Greg Stillson and saw the world die?"

"Yes."

"So did I."

"I thought so. I looked into your past a little the last few months and found out that you seemed to have an obsession with him. I didn't know why until two days ago."

"A nuclear explosion destroying Washington, D.C."

"What?"

"That is what I saw when I touched his hand."

"Oh. Oh my God. What do we do?"

"I don't know."

That night, Johnny was in bed in long flannel pajamas. Noelle's crib was next to the bed. For some reason, Alex had insisted on putting the crib in his room rather than the guest room. He wasn't certain why, until she suddenly came in, similarly clad.

"What do you need?" he asked.

"Could I stay with you tonight?"

Johnny's face turned a little red. "Uh-"

"Relax, John. I just had a baby. I'm not going to try any hanky-panky. Not until tomorrow, anyway." She smiled, and Johnny smiled back.

"Okay. I guess." He realized that she had planned this at least from the time that she asked for Noelle's crib to be in his room.

Alex got into bed and snuggled up to him, to keep warm from the chill outside. It was a cold October, even for Maine.

"John," she whispered. "I'm scared."

Johnny hugged her, and realized that he was scared, too.


	6. Decisions

Chapter 6

(A/N I'm sorry. Greg Stillson's father's name is James, not Steve. I also forgot that John lived in Cleaves Mills. I'll correct these soon.)

It was a few days after Alex had come to stay at Johnny's house when Johnny heard a ringing at his door at 7:30 in the morning. Having intended to sleep in that day, he responded with a little bit of irritation to being awoken and left Alex to go down and answer the door.

Alex had slept in the same bed with him for every night since she'd been there. Although nothing had gone on, Johnny did find it nice to have another person with him when he fell asleep, so that he wasn't in the huge house all by himself. He found at night that she would cuddle up to him in her sleep, and it felt good. Since the coma, he had had actual, physical sex (as opposed to "vision sex") with four women - each time once. First with Dana, then the affair with Sarah, then the beginnings of a relationship with Rebecca, and then this - _thing_ with Alex.

Dana had left him that night. Sarah had left in the morning before John had gotten up. Rebecca was the only one to have stayed, and his unusually powerful visions from Christopher Wey had screwed that up. When he had slept with Alex after Christmas she had had a light breakfast and then left, citing some business or other she needed to attend to. This was presumably before her visions of "Old Johnny," so he assumed that she was scared of what would happen if she stayed or something.

Although he wasn't having sex with her, at least not yet - what was happening with Alex was different, though. She actually stayed with him during the day and they ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. This was the first time in a long time that he actually felt that he had someone beside him when he slept who would likely be there in the morning, and who would dispel at least some of the loneliness. He liked the feeling, even if they weren't re-consummating their relationship - at least not yet.

John wasn't certain yet though whether he cared specifically for Alex, or whether she was just there. Was she his second chance at a meaningful relationship?

The question came into sharp focus the instant he opened the door.

"Hello, Johnny. I though I'd stop by and see how you were doing!"

"Rebecca - what are you doing here?"

"Remember, silly? I called you two weeks ago and told you I would be around today? You told me to drop in anytime. I brought breakfast." She held up a box of doughnuts and one of those box-shaped cardboard -and-plastic bottles of coffee.

"Uh - Rebecca - have I talked to you since then?"

"No, but - what is it?"

"Now may not be the best time to talk..."

"Why?" She looked at his robe. "You don't have someone else in there, do you? You said you weren't seeing anyone."

"That was two weeks ago."

"Well, if you weren't seeing them two weeks ago, it can't be serious now - can it?" She was rapidly going from happy to confused.

"Uh - you see - I sort of had a fling over Christmas. I didn't har from her again until last week. She's sort of staying with me."

Rebecca's face dropped noticeably. "Well - is it serious?"

Johnny looked at her uncomfortably. I don't know - but there are complications."

"Like what? Is she pregnant."

Johnny looked at her. "Not technically."

"What do you mean, not technically?"

"Christmas was more than nine months ago, Rebecca." As if to punctuate what he had just said, a loud wailing burst out from one of the rooms.

"Who is she?" Rebecca started fuming. She started to think of all the nasty things she was going to call this harlot who had gotten pregnant by Johnny - Johnny who should be _hers_. Then she relaxed a little. She couldn't blame Johnny for not waiting for her while she tried to sort things out. And she really couldn't blame this woman, whoever she was, for being attracted to Johnny. She had just been looking forward to this morning for two weeks, and she had been looking forward to starting things up with Johnny again, and this screwed up her plans. So she was angry and disappointed that the day she had planned would not come to pass. But she couldn't hold that against Johnny, or the mystery woman.

"Well, her name is Alex."

Just then the wailing of the baby started to come closer.

"So, is it a boy or a girl - the baby, I mean."

"A girl. Her name is Noelle."

"How - nice." Rebecca was clearly uncomfortable. "Listen. I just remembered something. I've got to go."

"Are you sure?" asked Alex. She looked very worried, like she had screwed something up.

"Yes. Sorry. See you guys later, 'bye!"

Johnny just looked as she went away, not wanting to let Rebecca leave, but worrying that having her stay would just make her more uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, John," said Alex.

"No, no..." he tried to say something, but his mind was racing too fast. He put out his hand and touched Alex.

Suddenly he had a vision. Whether Alex was sharing it or not he couldn't tell, but if she did she didn't react. She was leaving later that night. Leaving when Johnny was out buying some groceries, and taking Noelle with her. She was sneaking off into a taxi.

A few hours later, Johnny's friend and former physical therapist, Bruce Lewis, walked up the steps, only to find Johnny waiting for him on the patio, his legs stretched up onto a patio table from the chair he was on.

"So, Johnny, how are things going. Congrats, Mr. Daddy!"

Johnny smiled slightly, but also cringed at the greeting.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Bruce, do you think I'm cursed?"

"You mean your visions? C'mon, Johnny, they're a part of you, they're who you are."

"No, no, not that. I mean in terms of women."

"Why would you think that?"

"Well, I spent my entire dating life building relationship with one woman, only to lose her when I went into a coma. The only other woman whom I knew anything near that well, the only person with whom I might have been able to start something up with quickly, died in a car crash that I couldn't prevent, not without killing a bunch of school children and her brother."

He sighed. "And the only woman whom I have ever even considered as being my second great love - the only one whom I have felt anything remotely similar to what I felt for Sarah - just popped in at half-past seven today to find out that I have a baby by another woman."

Bruce looked at Johnny. "You mean Rebecca? I mean, she's the one that popped in this morning - or does she have one of your kids too?"

Johnny stared. "I didn't touch or ask. God, I hope not. That would put me in an awkward position."

"Johnny, you've got to ask yourself a question."

"What, Bruce?"

"What do you think you can do? Not what do you want, but what is the best option at this time?"

"If I do nothing, Alex will leave tonight."

"You're kicking her out?"

"No, I saw that she will sneak out and leave tonight."

"With Noelle?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I think she thinks that she is preventing me from being with Rebecca. She's probably right," he admitted. "I don't know what to do. Even assuming that Rebecca would want to be with me if I let the mother of my daughter leave, I don't know if I would feel right - or just selfish."

"Do you want another kid who doesn't know her biological father for her first nine years of life?"

"No. But I don't want to be hitched to someone I barely know, either."

"What can you do, Johnny? Do you want her to leave, or to stay? Stop thinking about what might have been. You know what is right."

Johnny looked at Bruce. "I need to talk to Purdy."

Later in the afternoon...

Johnny couldn't believe that he was going to Purdy for advice. Purdy represented a lot of things that Johnny hated - publicity, avarice, personal abuse of power - and yet, if he were to be honest with himself, which he rarely was where Purdy was concerned, he was glad to have the man as an ally. Purdy was corrupt, perhaps, but not evil. He was trying to do what he thought was right, although ambition and greed, and other issues of self-interest often seemed to cloud his vision. Johnny had used Purdy quite frequently, and for all that he had taken from his family, Johnny had to admit that his life would have been harder had Purdy not been there for him. In fact, Purdy had once prevented Johnny from abusing the power of Faith Heritage for something far more important than his mother's wealth - he had refused to redirect a donated heart to help one of Johnny's friends, knowing that by doing so he would likely be killing someone else who, according to whatever matrix for ranking donation recipients, would be a better recipient.

Purdy might know what to do here, as well.

"Johnny, before we talk about the current situation, I want you to know

that I've known what you've been going through with Sarah as well, but I've never said so before because I didn't want to get involved in something - that delicate."

"How would you know what I am going through?"

"It's worse for me in some ways. Part of you must think that if something happened to Walt, you would be able to step in. In my case, that did happen, and I wasn't able to step in."

"My mother."

"Johnny, you can't imagine that the parallels to our situations haven't occurred to me."

"I suppose not. But honestly, they haven't been on my mind much, so I never really thought about whether or not you recognized them."

"Let me tell you something, Johnny. I've wasted most of my life - well, my life since I settled here, pining after a woman whom I couldn't have - not the way I wanted. I rejected other relationships because part of me felt that if I couldn't have her, I didn't want anyone.

"I'm not saying that I have a bad life, or that I am not glad for my role in Faith Heritage - as much scandal and corruption as has happened. But I could have had someone, and not been alone."

"Yes, but Sarah has nothing to do with this."

"Doesn't she? Johnny, you want to recreate what you had with her. You want to have a relationship build the way it did with her, and to feel that you and whoever the lucky Mrs. Smith is the next best thing to a childhood sweetheart. Johnny, I could tell by the way that the Kate Moore thing devastated you. It wasn't just a friend. It was the second time you lost someone you loved - or might have loved - due to a car accident."

"Leave her out of this," said Johnny angrily.

"No, Johnny. You wanted my advice, here it is. Don't keep chasing after the ideal, whether it be Sarah or some Sarah substitute. You got Alex pregnant. You know that you have a daughter. You lost JJ for nine years because of you coma, and even after you admitted you paternity, you'll always be the second Dad to Walt. That's not your fault, you couldn't help it.

"But Noelle - if you abandon her, you chose to give up your daughter, You won't have anyone to blame but yourself. Johnny, I know you want to try to have a relationship with Rebecca, but can you see yourself doing so without irreparably damaging your chance to be a father to Noelle?"

"It's not fair." Johnny put his head in his hands.

"Yes, it is. So what? Johnny, you can try to cover up the mistakes you have made, run from the consequences of your actions - and you'll end up like me. Fair or unfair, you have to deal with the way things are sometimes.

"Johnny, you have to deal with this situation with Alex first. Then, if you decide that you two do not have feelings for each other, you will have to figure out how to proceed. Then you can think about dating again. But you have to put those things off for now, and you have to think about Noelle and Alex. And at least consider the possibility that all of this happened for a reason.

"By the way, you have Faith Heritage Alliance, and for that matter, the Greg Stillson campaign machine to thank for the fact that Alex's fainting spell wasn't broadcast over the news. We worked together to keep the incident - unpublished. So you can avoid for the time being the media feeding frenzy."

Johnny looked at Purdy. "Why would Stillson want to keep this quiet?"

"A lady fainting at your touch will not look good for any reelection campaign he may need to wage. Honestly, John - he's as big a scumbag as you seem to think he is. I am sorry that we ever got involved with him and I wouldn't be sorry if something bad happened to him - no, I don't mean that - yes, I do, but I shouldn't. But Johnny, in this case, his help is necessary, and welcome."

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth," sighed Johnny.

"No."

That evening -

Alex walked down the path, a small bag of belongings and Noelle in tow. She would send for the rest of her things, what little she had, as soon as she had found a place to stay. She had a few hundred dollars that Johnny had given her over the past few days for personal expenses, and she figured that she could find some sort of employment to help her make her own way.

She was crying softly as she walked toward the cab. Johnny had gone out to see about something with Reverend Purdy and hadn't come back all day. She had left a note and he would get it when she got back. Whether he didn't know her plans, or knew and wasn't stopping her because he wanted her to leave, she didn't know.

But it was better this way. She had no right to disrupt his life like this. She should have told him earlier, visions or no. Johnny would get along better without her around. She would leave him alone, and he could start a real relationship with someone he cared for.

Suddenly a hand gripped her elbow. It was Johnny.

"Alex, I'm sorry. Please stay."

"John, you'll do better on your own. I shouldn't have bothered you."

"Alex, I've lost a son already. I don't want to lose a daughter, too. We'll work this out, whatever we decide to do, together. If you'll let us. I... I won't make you stay if you want to leave. I suppose I deserve that. But please stay."

Alex turned toward Johnny. "Okay. Thank you."


	7. Reasons

Chapter 7

Johnny looked over at Alex when he woke up in the morning. He knew what he was going to have to do, and he hated himself for it. He didn't really know how to handle the situation he was in, and he needed to talk to someone who had been there. Unfortunately, there was no way to do that without opening some old wounds.

His visions were not as useful in relationships as one would suppose, because Johnny really couldn't see his own future with a large degree of accuracy, because his very observation of the future could change it. A dead zone Heisenberg uncertainty principle, as it were. With other people, he could avoid interfering too much, and generally what he was seeing would come to pass. But for him to avoid "interfering" in his own life was impossible. So in the end, he was not, for long-term issues, any better off than a person without his abilities.

A little bit later, he picked up the phone. "Sarah? Hi. Is Walt there, or JJ? No? Good. I need to talk to you alone in private." Johnny nodded. "Uh-huh. Why? Oh, I need some advice, and you probably know more about the topic than anyone else. Okay, thanks."

"What was that about?" asked Alex. She had walked in while Johnny was not paying attention. "I can see Sarah hovering above you, so I know who it is you called."

"Advice. Advice."

"Hmm-mm. About what?"

Johnny debated whether or not to lie. "Us. About us."

"Why would you need advice from an ex-fiancée?"

"Because - well, Alex, to be honest, when I saw Rebecca yesterday, I... I think I have an idea how Sarah felt when I woke up, okay?"

"You know John, if you don't want me here, I'm gone." Alex was looking a little bit testy, crossing her arms as she stared at him.

"Alex, it's not that I want that - it's just - this is not an easy situation to deal with, okay? I just thought that she might have some ideas on what pitfalls to avoid. I nearly broke up her marriage, and I don't want some wrong move on my part to cause you to pack your bags again."

Alex looked at John. She started to go off a little bit in a sort of reverie. Johnny realized that she was seeing something.

"Johnny. When I saw Sarah hovering above you, she was wearing clothes. She - er - isn't, anymore. I mean... oh my..."

"What?" asked Johnny. "What do you see?"

Alex looked at Johnny in a little bit of shock. "You slept with her, didn't you."

"Well, of course I did. You know that JJ is my biological son, so obviously we-"

"No, no. I mean _after_ you woke up from the coma. Does Walt know?"

Johnny again decided to be truthful. "It was only once, and yeah, I think he knows, although he has never directly said so. I think he - I think he understands, which is why he and Sarah could work things out and why he didn't wind up hating me."

"Understands? How?"

Johnny looked at Alex. "I really can't talk about it, I would be violating a trust." Before Walt had met Sarah, he had been having an affair with his best friend's wife. Granted, the best friend was a cop who had gone crooked, but still, it was not the right thing to do and perhaps when thinking about Johnny and Sarah Walt could see enough of his own actions to be forgiving.

"I understand. You can't tell me his secrets. But John, why do you feel that you can tell Sarah our personal business?"

"Alex, I... I just need a... a disinterested third party. Someone who's been there to tell me what it's like."

"You know, this isn't exactly flattering. You're asking Sarah to tell you how to settle for the consolation prize. That would be I."

Johnny shrugged, "Alex, I just... don't know you. Maybe in a few months, we'll... feel differently."

Alex looked at Johnny. "Fine, John. But if you want to know about me - maybe try talking to me. Or _touching_ me." She held out her hand, and it was plain that by touching she wasn't referring to physical intimacy. "You have the ability to see my life, Johnny. And with our combined powers, we can see it together. It's the next best thing to knowing each other for years."

Johnny looked at Alex. "Maybe... later." He walked off.

Alex started crying. Perhaps it was the hormones, the stress; perhaps it was the sense that Johnny wasn't comfortable with her. But she felt so tired, and in the end, so helpless. She really didn't have anywhere else to go. It was strange, though - since the birth, she had not called him "Johnny" until just now, only "John."

A short time later...

"So, Johnny, what do you want to talk about with me?"

"Well, Sarah, I wanted to talk about - well, how you felt when I first woke up."

"Glad, of course."

"No, no, I mean - I... when I woke up, it caused some problems between you and Walt. I wonder what advice you would give someone else who is in a relationship who finds a previous relationship suddenly... well, no, who finds a person from a previous relationship suddenly available again."

"I'm not sure what you mean." Sarah began to look puzzled.

"Rebecca was in town yesterday. I- I decided that I have to choose Alex over her, and I want to know if you have any advice on how to avoid... prolonging the choosing process."

"You mean you're afraid you will sleep with Rebecca and Alex will leave you? You want to avoid making the mistakes that - other people - made?" By her tone of voice, Sarah was making it quite clear that she didn't like the direction that this conversation was taking.

"Uh - more or less."

"Well, first, I suppose a lot of it will depend on Rebecca's attitude. You know, things would have been a lot harder if you hadn't - sort of tried to avoid me at first.

"Second, probably avoid being around Rebecca too much. at least until you can let go of her.

"Third - don't try to think about her too much. And do not remind Alex that you chose her over Rebecca - it sounds like a threat, and it could also sound - resentful.

"Yeah, that's about it."

Johnny sighed. She was right. It wouldn't do to suggest to Alex that he was "doing the right thing," or that he was choosing her because he felt obligated too. On some level it was true, of course, but it would be hurtful to say it.

"Wait. One more question, Johnny. Pretend that Rebecca had told you that she had married someone else, or that she died, or that she was out of the picture in some way. How would you feel about Alex then? I mean, my problems with Walt weren't because of anything wrong with him, they were because of unresolved issues with you. Is there something wrong with Alex, or is it just that she is not Rebecca? Or is it that she's not me?"

"Huh?"

"Johnny, if you fixate on both of them until you ruin your chances with either, you can still pine after what we lost. Is it possible that part of you is so used to being in perpetual mourning that you have a hard time finding a new relationship?"

"Purdy thinks that I am trying to recreate what I had with you with someone else, and that the problem with Alex is that the relationship - or at least the physical consequences - is outrunning our emotional side."

"Johnny," said Sarah, "Alex is your best chance for recreating something similar to what you had with me. You can experience each other's lives back before you knew each other. You once told me that you could share visions. I mean, you can't go back and live through high school together, but you can watch it from the inside."

"I know, but what - what if-"

"What is it Johnny?"

"Alex's powers are a little different than mine. We both can have literal and abstract visions, but for her the latter are far more common and for me the former are. However, when she's around me, she can share visions with me, and therefore have them a lot more literally. What if she winds up emulating or sharing some of my other powers - or already has them but hasn't mentioned them yet?"

"I don't understand."

"You know that in my visions, sometimes I am someone else? What if - what if we share a vision from my past and she winds up being you? Or I wind up being an old boyfriend of hers?"

"So what?"

"What if - we have a vision of... being intimate? Re-living the night JJ was conceived, for instance, but with her suddenly as a stand-in for you? Or, re-living some experience of hers? Either way, it could get very ugly, hearing her or me call out some other name."

"Well, Johnny, all I can say is, warn her beforehand. And then, just try not to think about things that you don't want to have visions about. I guess you'll just have to be completely honest with her. It may not be the best strategy in a every relationship, but I don't see what choice two people with your - abilities have."

Johnny sighed.

Walking out of the Bannermans' house, Johnny found himself wandering, until he came to the police station.

"Walt," he asked, "you got a second?"

"This about Rebecca?"

"How did you know?"

"Sarah called. And I talked to Bruce this morning, too."

"What do you think."

"You know, John, there's nothing I'd like better than to see you paired off. But that's not really the issue, is it? What I want."

"So? Any advice on the situation?"

"You know what I think your problem with Alex was? Why you two didn't try to get together the first time you met? I mean, the only thing that Rebecca really has over Alex is that you've known her longer, right? And that your relationship can progress through different stages more naturally, as you get to know each other, rather than suddenly BOOM you're parents?"

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, Purdy suggested that Rebecca was sort of a surrogate for-" Johnny decided to shut up right there.

Walt continued on, deciding to pretend he hadn't heard. "Two things. First, I know something about things going out-of-order. I didn't even meet Sarah until she was pregnant. And you know what? Sometimes you have to just jump in and take things in the order in which they come.

"Second, last Christmas you and Alex seemed pretty contented. Granted, it's not enough to determine whether you and she have any long-term prospects, but I don't see why you should be moping at the idea of being with her. There's one reason that I can think of why being with Alex would bother you."

"Why?"

"In the end, it has nothing to do with Rebecca being a surrogate for -" (Walt trailed off here) "- or knowing Rebecca better, or any of that. The fact of the matter is, Alex scares you. More than anyone else. More than Stillson."

"Why? Why is that?"

Walt smiled. "For the same reason you scare everyone else. Only it's worse for you."

"I scare you?"

Walt laughed. "Johnny, you can touch me and suddenly know things about me that I've forgotten, things that I never wanted anyone else to know. If you wanted to, you could manipulate me three ways from Sunday. It's scary to know that you have this - advantage - over me. We're friends, John, but sometimes you terrify me, you know?"

"And what does this have to do with Alex and me?"

"You don't have an advantage over her. She's the one... one of the few, rather, people who can give it right back to you. Your secrets, your past, your future, revealed to someone else.

"And you know what, John? It's not so scary after a while. Not if you trust someone. You want to find out what you and Alex can have? Learn to realize that sometimes, the other person has the advantage. And you can't do anything about it."

"But Walt, she was the one who always had problems with us as a couple."

"John, you met her what, twice? _Always _is a little bit strong. Besides, that's the point. You liked the idea of her as a girlfriend, but being thrust suddenly into this much of a relationship, her powers get scary."

"Maybe that is the problem, too, Walt. I can't help but thinking that she would never would have considered anything permanent, or even long-term with me if it weren't for Noelle."

"Does that make it any less genuine? John, we are who our circumstances make us. If it weren't for Noelle, she would be a different person than she is. The fact that the conditions made her decide to give things a go with you doesn't mean that you can't find out if there is anything between you."

"But wouldn't it make you wonder whether or not she would have chosen you if things had been different?"

"So what, John? You have to let it go. Trust me, this is something I know a lot about." Walt paused a second. "Want my advice? What would you have done had Rebecca not come over? If you are choosing to pursue things with Alex, then think only about Alex, not about what might have been with someone else. If things would have kept going along smoothly without Rebecca having shown up, then there is no reason they still can't go smoothly. I know a thing or two about the road not taken, too."

"Audrey?"

"After I met Sarah, I never looked back. We're still friends, but I let go of any thoughts about it being more than that."

Johnny traveled home very slowly that afternoon. In the cool October air, he came to some decisions.

When he walked into his house, he found Alex there, talking to Rebecca.

"Johnny!" said Alex, disapprovingly. "Why didn't you ever tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

"What actually happened to James Stillson?"

"I didn't know until several months later. We didn't talk much during that time, and never in person, and I didn't feel comfortable relaying such information over the phone."

Rebecca looked a little bit frazzled, as if she didn't know what to make of what she had been hearing. "So Alex tells me that my sister's killer was punished?"

"I know that Greg killed him. I suppose he choked him to death, based on the official story. I don't know exactly why, but it had something to do with Rachel's death, because it happened right after he found out about his dad."

Alex looked at Rebecca and then at Johnny.

"Well, listen," said Rebecca quickly. "Johnny, I didn't men to make you feel bad. Listen, I left and certainly you had every right to assume that I would not ever come back. I stayed an extra day trying to figure out what to do, and now I'll be on my way again. Listen, Alex is very nice. I like her. And I suppose it is some comfort to know that Rachel's killer was brought to justice - even vigilante justice at the hands of Greg Stillson."

After Rebecca let, Alex looked at Johnny.

"Find the answers you were looking for?"

"Not really, I guess I'll find them here."

"Told you," said Alex smugly. She smiled a little.

"But now I know the questions to ask. There are a lot of issues, actually. But I can face them one at a time if you are willing to face them with me."

"Shoot."

"First, have you ever - been able to be in someone else's body in vision? I sometimes have visions as if I were the person the vision is about."

"No, but I can walk through visions of events that are happening in the past, the future, or elsewhere. I suppose I have had visions where I was in my own body at a different point in time. My death vision was usually first-person."

"We can share visions. What if I were in someone else's body in a shared vision - would..."

"I don't know. You're scared that I will turn into Sarah or something, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Johnny, the night we - we made Noelle, I stayed awake for a while after you went to sleep. I saw - I saw you and Sarah - er - making JJ."

"I see."

"Yes, I got scared by that. That's part of why I left. Not why I stayed away, but why I left. But you know what? It doesn't matter. I think I was just having a premonition about Noelle. That's all."

"And..."

"I've had quite a few boyfriends in my time, Johnny. You'll find out about them sooner or later. But I figure it will go away after we learn to deal with each other's pasts."

"I see. So what now?"

"How about we cuddle up on the couch and watch some old kung-fu movies?"

"Only if the dubbing is really, really bad."

Alex smiled. "The worst." Then she looked at the calendar on the wall. "By the way, I've marked November 11 down."

"Veteran's day? Any particular reason?"

"It's exactly six weeks since Noelle was born."

"So?"

Alex reached out and grabbed Johnny's hand. An outside observer would have noticed both of them suddenly breathing a little heavier, for two or three seconds, then stopping and shaking their heads as if coming out of a reverie.

"Oh. _That_."

"If we are going to try this - _thing_ - between us, we might as well go all the way. I'll pick one time each week that's really good for me, and you pick one time that's really good for you."

"That's, uh-"

"Forward? Tough. That's the way things are."

Noelle, who had been sleeping in a baby basket on the table, suddenly started to cry.

"Feeding or diaper change?" asked Johnny.

"Diapers."

"I'll take this one. You can set up the movie."


End file.
